The last couple of months, hell, the last year has been wild. I don’t even know where to begin and I kept hesitating coming back to my blog because I didn’t know what to post or write about because there were just too many things! I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting and thinking about life in general and can’t wait to finally get around to publicly sharing the thoughts that have floated in my mind these last couple of months.
In this first post back, I want to talk about my fears of getting a breast reduction.
On April 19th of this year, 2019, I will be getting a breast reduction. I’m scared because I’m only 20 years old and have a whole life ahead of me. Since around the time of my consultation, I’ve gone through a love-hate relationship with my breasts. (I know I’ve talked about them before in a previous post, so I’ll try to be brief with describing my history with my boobs).
My boobs started coming in when I was around nine years old. I remember getting my first two bras. One was a silky purple, and the other black. And no, they weren’t trainees either. I was so proud because I was closer to becoming a woman!
I think when I was around 12 or 13, they really started to become more pronounced because I always was told by friends I had big boobies. I loved my boobs then, because in my teenage mind I thought if I didn’t have a pretty face, at least I had nice boobs, ya know? I loved to wear v-necks and tighter shirts but not far enough that my cleavage looked like a butt crack. My friends and I would also take turns playing basketball shooting rolls of paper into each other’s shirts because that’s kinda how you act when you’re in middle school. I think my boobs then were a C/D cup. Around this time, finding swimming suit tops were only difficult because my mom didn’t want everyone looking at my tits. You know how moms get when you’re shopping?
I don’t think I really started to have frustrations with my boobs until I got to high school. My first two years of high school, I was around D/DD cup. A lot of people’s first impressions, I learned, was that I had big boobs. I think one guy even thought that because I had big boobs, I didn’t have enough for a brain bc he told me I looked like “one of those dumb girls” and he had never expected me to be smart. Whatever that meant…..
I had frustrations finding formal dresses for Homecoming or SnoDaze dances. I could never buy a strapless dress without my mom reminding me that I had big boobs and it would probably fall down. I had frustrations finding winter jackets or coats that weren’t double my size so I could zip it over my massive tits. Sometimes, I’d just buy a jacket I thought was cute and fit me everywhere else except my boobs and only zip it halfway… no matter how cold it was. Because when you’re that age, #styleovereverything.
In my third year of high school, I started to gain more weight and lo and behold, my boobs grew again. By this point I was a 38DDD, and did you know this is the biggest size they carry in stores at Victoria’s Secret? My favorite bra that really only ever fit was the Body by Victoria with no extra padding. Because when you’re this size, they don’t really carry anything cute that’ll actually fit. In my junior year of highschool, I loved to wear black v-necks and a black hoodie to conceal my boobs and stomach blubber but show just enough skin to not feel so hot. I got embarrassed when I had to readjust my boobs because they kept spilling out of my tit armor.
One time, in the school lunch line, a girl I didn’t know casually asked me what my bra size was bc my tits were so huge. The second question she asked me was if they were perky or saggy. Now, any person who has natural big tits knows that that shit sags like a mofo…. but I lied and just told her my tits were perky… when in reality they sag like water balloons 😦 This event really sticks out to me bc the saggage on my tits began to get really bad. This didn’t help when they continued to grow through college either. Having tits that sagged became one of my greatest insecurities and before showers or getting fully dressed I would often lift my breasts up and imagine how they would look if they didn’t sag. On the bright side, saggy tits make really good hand warmers.
In my first two years of college, I found that a lot of my weight gain went to my tits and my thighs. The only difference about my third year is that now I’ve got a gut. I currently wear a size 40DDD and I found that this size fits me better after deciding I was sick of the spilling wearing a 38DDD. Victoria’s Secret carries some bigger sizes only on a small number of their bras, but when your boobs are this big already, FENTY by Rihanna is the way to go. I decided to give her bras a try last September and have not been disappointed.
After finding a bra that fit me well, and figuring out what clothes fit me better than others, I found peace among my tits. A typical day with my tits would start out with a shower and afterward literally trying to stop my tits from sweating by using a towel or drying it with a literal hair dryer. Then, putting my bra and other clothing on and going about my day, occasionally adjusting it if some titty decided to spill or crack’n my neck and back. Later in the evening at home and if have nowhere else to be, my bra is the first thing to come off. I carry on with my evening duties and when it’s bedtime, spend my night adjusting sleeping positions because I’m a restless sleeper and big tits and sleep don’t go well together unless you’re the lucky one snoozing on nature’s pillow. This was my life and this is how I live with big ol’ titties.
Last November, I went in to get a consultation after back and forth arguing with my mother many months prior about getting a breast reduction. First I said ok so my mom would stop bothering me about it and then also bc Modern Family actor Ariel Winter got hers done awhile back and they look fantastic, then I said no. I said no because I looked up others who had had it, complications, scarring, etc. I was scared of how deformed my boobs would look, or going under the knife, or breastfeeding my future babies, or what if they grew again?! My mom sent me an invite to an informational session with HealthPartners on Cosmetic Breast Surgery. I really didn’t want to go to this because I was really at peace with my boobs. I was ok with living the rest of my life with big boobs. But, I went anyway. I asked my boyfriend to come along with me because I sometimes have trouble going to unfamiliar places or events alone. He was the only man there besides one of the three plastic surgeons. (Because, duh). Many women told me how admiring it was that he came to support me through this process. I’m glad he has been so supportive though he also makes it clear he’s sad to see them go.
We spent about two hours learning about Breast Augmentation, Breast Lift, and Breast Reduction. Safe to say, my boyfriend could also school you on the differences between all three. After the informational, we also had the opportunity to sign up for a free consultation with one of the three surgeons. (I think it was free just for going to the informational, or maybe because they gave me a free gift for going, I don’t quite remember). I didn’t know what sparked or encouraged me to also schedule an appointment, maybe it was being in my element consisting of other big boobed women who also aspired a life that didn’t revolve around having big tits. But, I can say that going in to this informational, I had no intentions of getting a breast reduction and was only going so my mom would finally stop nagging me about getting one.
At my consultation, I was instructed to watch another informational video about breast reduction and then was told to undress from the neck to my waist and wait until the plastic surgeon came in. Now…. this part is super embarrassing and TMI but I had a mark on my boobs that I tried to cover up with makeup but failed to and figured maybe bad lighting would make it not that noticeable…. it was the first thing my plastic surgeon pointed out! The next thing she said was along the lines of “Your nipples are pointing downward!” Which is true, because naturally large breasts sag. Then further into the examination, she a tit…. notice I said a tit… weighed it with her hand. Then lifted the other tit, and nodded in excitement and verification that “yes indeed I needed a breast reduction” and “yes indeed I was highly likely to get approved by insurance.” After answering my questions she left and instructed me to wait for the photographer to take photographs to send off to insurance to determine whether I could get approved. It took a painstaking 8-ish weeks to get approved because when you get insurance from the state/government, sometimes things get delayed and messy. I was told it typically takes 3 to 4 weeks. After the long wait, I got approved and boy was I so nervous when the receptionist called to schedule a surgery day. Granted I had to find time in my schedule to squeeze in a surgery and recovery because my spring to summer was filled with school and finals, a service learning trip, and studying abroad. I settled for April the 19th.
As I am about a month away from surgery, I’m incredibly scared. I look at my naked body in the mirror every day and imagine how much smaller my boobs will be. I will be going from a DDD to a C cup. This is a huge life changing difference to me because I haven’t been this size since I was 13! I’ve never known me with smaller boobs, and I know I’m more than my boobs, but to be coming where I’m coming from, a great chunk of my life and decisions has revolved around the size of my boobs. I can’t imagine having a life where it is not.
So far, I’m scared about the recovery process after my surgery. I’ve yet to find a post-op bra and have been having nightmares about searching for one. (Post-op bras are needed after the surgery and the fancier bras can’t be worn until later after recovery). I’ve read that there will be a bit of leakage and my nipples won’t feel much because they’re literally repositioned to be higher. There are a lot of things I am scared of regarding my upcoming breast reduction. But, I’ve heard from others who know someone who had a breast reduction that it’s a life changing experience and best decision they’ve ever made and I only hope that that is the same for me too.
I will further blog about my post-surgery experience in due time. But for now, I thought I would tell the world that I am getting a breast reduction!
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed. Please reach out to me if you have similar experiences or other questions.